Using cell phones during spouse conversations is damaging many marriages

Using a cell phone while talking with a spouse is tied to lower marriage satisfaction, a finding drawn from a detailed study of 712 married adults.

The effect centers on how couples communicate during everyday moments, not on apps or screen time totals.

The team examined phubbing, ignoring a partner to attend to a phone. In a new study higher phubbing tracked with lower satisfaction in marriage.

Most importantly, effective communication explained the link. The authors tested mediator, a factor that explains how one thing affects another, and found full mediation.

Lead researcher Suat Kılıçarslan is based at Niğde Ömer Halisdemir University in Turkey (NOHU). He and colleagues examined how phone behavior and communication patterns move together in couples.

“Communication skills are a full mediator on the relationship between phubbing and marital satisfaction in married individuals,” wrote Kılıçarslan.

Measures included empathy, effective listening, self revelation, I-language, and ego-developing language.

Couples, cell phones, and dates

A field experiment showed that phones on the table reduce enjoyment of a shared meal. The experiment found that distraction was the key pathway.

Other research reported that phubbing lowers communication quality and relationship satisfaction in controlled conversations. The effect tracks with social exclusion, feeling shut out or ignored by a partner.

Earlier work linked partner phubbing to lower satisfaction and higher conflict. That team also built a short scale that measures phone snubbing in couples.

Small attention shifts add up during talk, pulling mental focus away from the other person. This attention switching can muddy listening and empathy.

Technology and emotional attention

Researchers note that smartphones do more than interrupt, they reshape how people allocate emotional energy. Constant multitasking lowers emotional attunement, the ability to read subtle cues like tone or facial expression. 

When attention splinters, empathy often follows. Over time, partners may misinterpret silence or distraction as rejection rather than divided focus.

This shift reflects a wider social pattern. Studies on digital dependence, the reliance on technology to manage emotion or avoid discomfort, show that many users turn to phones when feeling bored, anxious, or lonely. 

That quick escape reduces tolerance for quiet presence, the very state intimacy requires. The more often couples reach for screens instead of one another, the weaker their shared attention becomes.

Communication changes the picture

The study’s communication skills overlap with everyday habits like reflective listening and empathy. One example is I-language, speaking from self rather than blaming the other person.

A complementary study found that more interaction and less conflict help explain partner phubbing’s impact on marriage. 

Stronger skills likely help partners repair small ruptures and re-center attention after a buzz or ping. They also give couples shared rules for how to pause, talk, and resume.

Boundaries work best when they are clear, easy, and specific to the setting. A simple rule like phones down during meals sets a default without drama.

Cell phones distract couples

Over time, small habits compound. A glance at a screen during dinner or a scroll before bed may feel harmless, but they train the brain to divide attention. 

That constant split erodes the sense of shared presence that intimacy depends on. Couples start communicating through half-focus, physically present, mentally elsewhere.

Modern devices amplify that drift because they are designed to capture attention. Every vibration, sound, and notification interrupts the emotional rhythm of a conversation. 

Over weeks and months, those interruptions accumulate into distance. Repairing that distance takes intention, empathy, and often a shared decision to reclaim conversation as sacred time.

What couples can try right now

Pick one daily slot when both phones stay silent, such as 20 minutes after work. Treat it like brushing teeth, predictable and short so it actually happens.

Agree on quick exceptions for urgent calls, which relieves anxiety and reduces sneaky checks. Share why the time matters, then check in weekly and adjust the plan.

When a ping pulls you away, narrate the switch and return to the thread. That tiny repair keeps momentum and shows respect for your partner’s time.

If conflict escalates, pause the phone talk and focus on the feeling under the behavior. Once calm, trade specific requests in plain language, then write down what you both heard.

What the study cannot tell us

The design was cross-sectional so it cannot prove cause and effect. Self-reports can inflate links if the same mood colors every answer.

The sample came from Central Anatolia, so tech habits and norms may differ elsewhere. Generalizability, how well results apply to other groups, needs testing in diverse settings.

Full mediation in statistics can reflect overlap between measures rather than a clean pathway. Future work should use observations, partner reports, and time based phone logs together.

Phones also help couples manage safety, care work, and long distance intimacy. The target is not the device itself, it is unskilled use during connection moments.

The study is published in Computers in Human Behavior.

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