What grandparents and grandchildren talk about - and why it matters

Family conversations often shape how people learn, grow, and understand the world. This is especially true when those conversations happen across generations.

Grandparents often share stories, advice, and life experiences that parents may not always pass on. These everyday talks can influence values, confidence, and how younger people see society.

Grandparents are now more involved

In recent decades, family life has changed. People live longer, families live farther apart, and technology plays a bigger role in staying connected.

Because of this, grandparents today often stay more involved in their grandchildren’s lives than earlier generations did.

Researchers at Washington University in St. Louis wanted to understand what these conversations actually look like and why they matter.

Instead of focusing only on how often grandparents and grandchildren talk, the research looks closely at what gets discussed and how these exchanges differ across families.

The goal is to understand the role grandparents play in shaping younger generations.

Aging and family life

This research builds on the St. Louis Personality and Aging Network study, known as SPAN. The study began in 2007 with about 1,600 adults in middle age. Over time, researchers continued to follow many participants as they grew older.

Today, around 500 participants remain in the study as they enter their grandparent years. This long timeline allows researchers to see how relationships and roles change as people age.

Despite the importance of grandparents in family life, research has rarely focused on what grandparenting involves on a daily basis. Much of the earlier work focused on parents instead.

“Part of this project was to create a survey that was capturing what the grandparenting process was like,” said Patrick Hill, Cox’s adviser and a professor of psychological and brain sciences in Arts and Sciences at Washington University in St. Louis.

This survey gave grandparents space to describe real conversations rather than general feelings about family.

What grandparents talk about

The researchers examined the topics grandparents discussed most often with their grandchildren. The study also looked at differences based on race and gender.

In addition, the research explored how these conversations connect to a sense of purpose. Many grandparents linked these talks to feeling useful, hopeful, and involved in shaping the future.

“Despite how important grandparenting is, this is one of the first studies to really ask what’s going on in these conversations,” said Hill.

The results show that simple topics matter. Discussions about school, work, friendships, and social issues help maintain strong emotional bonds. These exchanges also allow grandparents to share values without formal lessons.

Technology makes connection easier

Modern communication plays a major role in grandparent relationships. Families often live far apart and no longer share homes across generations. Phones, video calls, and messaging now bridge that gap.

“Grandparents are more accessible (thanks to technology) even as people moved further away and generations don’t co-habitate anymore,” Cox said.

Participants also compared current conversations with memories of talking to their own grandparents. Many recalled little contact in childhood. Longer lifespans and digital tools now allow more frequent contact.

Most conversations happened through calls or texts rather than in person. The study found that digital contact still supported meaningful relationships.

How grandparents differ by gender

The study also explored gender differences. Grandmothers communicated more often with grandchildren than grandfathers. Topics often included jobs, friendships, social change, and racism.

This pattern may relate to longer female life expectancy, but social roles also play a part. “Women are the keepers of these narratives and stories in their family,” Cox said.

Many grandmothers see passing on family history as part of their role. These conversations help grandchildren understand where they come from and what matters in their family.

Race, identity, and shared experience

Race also shaped conversation topics. Black grandparents discussed race, racism, and identity more often than white grandparents. These discussions often focus on navigating systems shaped by inequality.

In many Black families, grandparents and other elders pass on this knowledge alongside parents. Lived experience adds depth to these lessons.

Cox noted that this does not mean white grandparents avoid social issues. Differences may reflect how people define political or social topics. Future research will explore this further.

Hearing the grandchildren’s side

So far, the study reflects only the grandparents’ perspective. The next step will include input from grandchildren.

“We only have one side of the story right now,” Hill said. “What we don’t know right now is how the grandchildren are thinking of these relationships.”

Researchers also plan to examine who usually starts contact and how that affects long term outcomes.

Cox said the goal is to understand how grandparents “shape younger generations’ view of the world and the way they interact with the world around them.”

Why staying connected matters

The findings highlight the value of staying connected across generations. Grandparent relationships support emotional health for both older adults and grandchildren.

“The grandparenting role does seem to be salient in people’s lives, as this study is showing,” Hill said.

Cox stressed that even small efforts matter. “It’s just as beneficial to give older adults a call or give them a text,” she said.

These everyday conversations help families stay grounded, informed, and connected across time.

The study is published in the journal Research in Human Development.

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