Couples who gossip feel closer and happier

We tend to think of gossip as petty or mean-spirited. But in romantic relationships, it might be doing more good than harm. A recent study shows that couples who gossip together often report feeling happier and more connected.

The work comes from psychology researchers at the University of California, Riverside.

The team explored whether gossip between partners could play a role in relationship satisfaction and overall well-being – and the results may surprise you.

Gossiping couples are happier

The researchers define gossip simply as talking about someone who isn’t physically present. It’s not automatically negative – it can be lighthearted, supportive, neutral, or critical.

In everyday life, that might mean swapping updates about a mutual friend, sharing an observation about a coworker, or laughing about something a relative did last week.

Chandler Spahr is the lead author of the study, which is the first to examine the dynamics of gossip and well-being within romantic partnerships.

“Whether or not we want to admit it, everyone gossips,” said Spahr. “Gossip is ubiquitous.”

The team found that gossip wasn’t just idle chatter. Couples’ gossip strongly correlated with happiness. It was also tied – though less strongly – to relationship quality.

Tracking gossip in daily life

The researchers studied 76 same-gender and different-gender couples in Southern California.

Each participant wore a small listening device called the Electronically Activated Recorder (EAR), which sampled bits of their daily conversations. About 14% of what they said during the day was recorded and analyzed by research assistants.

The recordings revealed that participants spent around 38 minutes a day gossiping. Of those, about 29 minutes were spent gossiping with their romantic partners. Woman-woman couples had the highest amount of gossip overall.

Same-gender couples and gossip

While most couples in the study reported high levels of happiness, same-gender couples reported even higher levels than different-gender couples. Woman-woman couples also reported the highest relationship quality.

The findings hint that gossip may work as an emotional glue in relationships. It’s not just about the content – it’s about the shared moment and mutual understanding that comes from swapping impressions about other people.

Gossip as a bonding experience

Megan Robbins, a UCR psychology professor and the paper’s senior author, explained it with a familiar scene: “What do you do in the car? You talk about everybody at the party. Who said what; what’s going on with their relationship.”

You might comment: Didn’t Veronica look great? Didn’t Joe look awful? Did you sense tension between them?

“Negatively gossiping with one’s romantic partner on the way home from a party could signal that the couple’s bond is stronger than with their friends at the party, while positively gossiping could prolong the fun experiences,” the study authors wrote.

“It may reinforce the perception that partners are ‘on the same team,’ enhancing feelings of connectedness, trust, and other positive relationship qualities, as well as contributing to overall well-being.”

Keeping relationships in sync

The researchers suggest that gossip can act as a kind of “social regulation tool.” By talking about others, couples may indirectly set expectations for behavior within their own relationship, creating a shared understanding of what’s acceptable and what’s not.

This isn’t the first time Professor Robbins has examined gossip. In 2019, she published a study – also using EAR technology – that challenged common stereotypes.

The study showed that women do not gossip more negatively than men, people with lower incomes don’t gossip more than wealthier people, and younger people tend to gossip more negatively than older adults.

Gossip can be positive, neutral, or negative. Unlike the 2019 study, this new work didn’t separate gossip into categories – it looked only at the amount and context of gossip between partners.

More than idle talk

The takeaway? Gossip between partners isn’t necessarily toxic. It can be a small but steady way of reinforcing the idea that you and your partner are on the same page.

The next time you and your significant other find yourselves dissecting the latest drama after a night out, you might just be doing something good for your relationship – whether or not you realize it.

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